[Closeup of the rear of the Monkees director’s chair bearing Mike’s name. The chair’s occupant turns about and the camera cuts to Michael Nesmith and Frank Zappa, with a gigantic drum behind them, in each other’s guises. Michael is wearing an ersatz Frank Zappa wig, moustache and goatee, and nose (which keeps falling off), and Frank is wearing Michael’s wool hat and blue 8-buttoned Monkee shirt.]
Frank: Hello! I’m Mike Nesmith, and I’m one of The Monkees. Tonight, as my guest on this wonderful television program, which has done so much for all of you young people out there, I have, as my special guest, none other than
FRANK ZAPPA (Michael flashes “peace sign”.), that world-famous person, participant in, perhaps even leader of none other than The Mothers Of Invention! And here he is, luv ya, Frank Zappa.
Michael: Hi, kids. Hi, Mike.
Michael: It’s really…s’really a pleasure to be here. (His fake nose falls off.)
Frank: It is? (Michael picks up the fake nose and places it on his nose again.) We have a lot of zany stuff on this program, don’tcha think?
Well, tell me, Frank…
Michael: Tell you what, Mike…
Frank: No, you’re supposed to talk like Frank.This is one of our cute numbers for this show.
Michael: Oh, yeah, that’s right. I’m supposed to be you and you’re supposed to be me, right? (His fake nose falls off again.)
Frank: You see the way we work this out in advance?
Michael: My nose keeps fallin’ off. (He picks up the fake nose and places it on his nose again.) Okay, go ahead. Ask me a question.
Frank: When you first got into the psychedelic music business, was it very difficult?
(Michael’s fake nose falls off yet again! Once more, he picks it up and puts it back on his nose.) I know that used to work in Hollywood a lot.
Michael: Well, it was more of a “come on guys, let’s go” kind of a situation.
Frank: “Come on, guy”…that’s like The Beach Boys.
Michael: A lot of that. We did a lot of that.
Frank: You know that, after I quit the show, I’m gonna join The Byrds, don’tcha?
Michael: (laughs) No, I didn’t know that.
Frank: When you quit The Mothers, who are you going to join?
Michael: I may join The Byrds, too. I wanted to get into a very serious area that, of course, appeals to me, as Frank Zappa, sometimes thought of as “creative genius,” especially in the area concerning your Monkees music, which, ah, appears to me to be banal and insipid.
Frank: You think that our music, The Monkees’ music, is banal and insipid?!
Michael: Well, words like that are hard to read…
Michael: …especially side-by-side.
Frank: Have you ever tried reading “Mike and Frank”?
Michael: I wanted to know where the soul of your music was; is it on the 1 and the 7, or is
it on the 1and the 5?
Frank: The soul of your music is on the 1 and the 7, sometimes on the 3 and the 5. The soul of our music, The Monkees’ music, lies somewhere inbetween the 1 1/2 (off-camera chuckling), the 2 1/2, the 3 3/4 and th giant C-major chord on the piano! Which I’ll demonstrate for you! We have wonderful music. Match-cut. Here we go, we turn over and we all take our positions in front of the camera (they do so), because this is The Monkees, and we’re really tricky. Tell me, Frank Zappa, I’ve always wanted to have you show me how to conduct, because I heard you were really spiffy at it.
Michael: Well, you follow me then, in front of the tel…
Frank: Come on, you’re on television. I’m just one of these unpopular musicians. Teach me.
Michael: No, it’s the other way around. You’re a popular musician’ I’m…dirty gross and ugly.Well, I’ll tell you, Mike, before we get too involved with the piano, let’s whip over to the car, and I’ll teach you…
Michael: …how to play a car. Watch this! (With a huge hammer, Michael hits the big drum behind them. As The Mother Of Invention’s tune “Mother People” plays over the soundtrack, cut to outside the pad, where Michael, in his regular guise, conducts as Frank, in his regular guise, takes a chain to the hood of a car. Then Frank takes off its entire front end and crashes the windows, dents the hood and bangs the motor with a sledgehammer. Sparks and pyrotechics emit from the engine, which Frank snuffs out with a fire extinguisher. A final shot of Frank blowing the extinguisher into the camera and Michael continuously conucting is shown before the cut to black…and the show’s opening titles commence.)
You can watch the video of the above transcript below
Have a groovy day 🙂
Peace and Love,
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